Uzumakiphilia
by Byakko Kitsunetsuki
Summary: One-shot. Sasuke learned many things from Orochimaru, one being paraphilia's-fetishes. No lemon, just a little teaser. Sasuke-centered, Naruto's not there but he's the love interest.


Fetishes…there were literally dozens that Sasuke had seen in his three years at Orochimaru's. Acrotomophilia, people with amputations. Algolagnia, pain, not to be mistaken for masochism. Autagonistophilia, being on stage or on camera. Autoandrophilia, female imagining she was male…Tayuya had that fetish.

Biastophilia, the rape fetish, most popular among the prisoners in Orochimaru's hideouts. Dacryphilia, crying. Erotophonophilia, murder. Frotteurism, rubbing against a non-consenting person. Liquidophilia, immersing genitals in liquid. Macrophilia, giants. Mysophilia, dirty, soiled or _decaying_ things, not to be confused with necrophilia, corpses.

Raptophilia, committing rape. Sadism, no explanation needed there…Somnophilia, stigmatophilia, teratophilia, trichophilia, troilism, urolagnia, vampirism, bestiality, and of course, voyeurism.

Sasuke found most of them, if not all of them, disgusting. Take urolagnia for example, who would want to pee on someone and who the hell would find it erotic? The Uchiha felt his gag reflex start up at the thought of being peed on. In fact, Sasuke didn't think he had any sort of fetishes, much unlike his teammates.

Looking up from the fire, he took in his surroundings once again. The cave was large enough to fit all four of them comfortably, make a fire and have Suigetsu clean his sword in the corner. Karin was out finishing with setting up traps in case anyone stumbled upon their little camp. Jūgo was sitting on his sleeping bag, back leaning against the caves wall, arms crossed.

"What?" Sasuke asked. Meeting Jūgo's eyes across the fire, the huge man stared back, emotionless as ever. Suigetsu looked up from his sword, silently watching the interaction.

"You never fucked anyone back then." Jūgo blatantly said. The giant of a man was referring to when Orochimaru was still alive. Out of the corner of his eye, Sasuke saw Suigetsu double over, silently laughing. Obviously, Suigetsu had said something to Jūgo and the giant had acted upon it.

"Never felt the need to." Sasuke responded. The giants eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Karin ducked back into the cave, dropping her cloak next to the fire to warm, it was cold out tonight.

"How many times a day did you jack off?" Jūgo retorted. He didn't notice how wide Karin's eyes got although he did notice when Karin tried to pound his face in. He caught her fist with his much bigger palm. She let out a surprised squeak and tried to pry his hand off of hers.

"Oi! You big oaf, let her go!" Suigetsu yelled. His pointy teeth showing in his grin. Jūgo did not let her go, didn't even blink at when Suigetsu yelled at him but continued to stare at their leader, waiting for an answer.

"Not much," Sasuke answered. "Stop listening to Suigetsu Jūgo, go to sleep." Averting his eyes away, Sasuke fell backwards, falling onto his sleeping bag and into thoughts. Sasuke could hear Karin yelling and Suigetsu complaining but he took no notice of it. Staring at the ceiling, he went back to his previous thoughts.

While Sasuke himself didn't have any fetishes, the other members of team hawk were another story.

Suigetsu had liquidophilia. No question about it, he enjoyed turning into water while with his partners and they were very vocal about how much they hated it. There really was nothing else to be said about the pale haired man.

Karin was a little harder to discern, she was definitely had exhibitionism, frotteurism, she even had some voyeuristic tendencies. The Uchiha was constantly finding Karin taking off clothing whenever he happened to look over at her; granted she wasn't stripping but it was close to it. Suigetsu was constantly catching her 'playing' with her food and laughing at her for it. Sasuke just shook it off as…a fetish. The frotteurism came from her incessant need to cling to him at random times during the day, trying to kiss him, hump him, grope him. Yes, definitely frotteurism.

The next fetish was a little more…creepy. Karin had a tendency to follow Sasuke whenever he went to take a piss. Who knows what she was thinking he was doing when he went to the bathroom but Sasuke didn't really want to know. He didn't want her practically stalking him but if not for her talents, the last Uchiha would have never asked her to join his group. If only his privacy meant more to him.

Jūgo was a probably simpler than Suigetsu to figure out, the man was a very simple to begin with. The guy had erotophonophilia, meaning he got aroused by killing his cell mates then either raping another or jacking off in his cell.

Sasuke found all of those fetishes disgusting, all of the ones he had listed and ones he had not thought of, there were simply too many to name all of them. Things had quieted down in the cave, the fire had been doused by Karin. Suigetsu had put away his sword and had settled in his sleeping bag.

Thoughts turned to Naruto, it had been a while since he last saw his blonde. Since he left him in that hotel room alone…he wished he could have stayed but he couldn't have back then, Itachi was still alive and even to this day, he was still a missing nin. That Dobe, he had a fetish too. Sitophilia, the fetish for food or more specifically, ramen.

Back when they were still a team, Sasuke didn't know Naruto had a fetish. He just understood that the Usuratonkachi had a serious love for ramen. It wasn't until now he put the two together, Naruto's love for ramen borderline obsession over the stuff and fetishes. He could picture the Dobe now, sitting at his table in his dingy apartment with a cup of instant ramen. Those long, cooked ramen noodles being pulled past those delectably pink lips and manipulated by that slick, curious muscle.

He shifted in is sleeping bag, trying to get rid of the image in his mind of Naruto eating ramen. Now would not be the best time to get a boner, especially after whatever Suigetsu said to Jūgo; besides, Karin would probably follow him out and watch him. That was not what he wanted to happen. So instead, he thought about the most disgusting thing he could think of, a combination of Karin, Ino, and Sakura stuck in the same room with him.

That mental image got rid of Sasuke's problem very quickly, but he couldn't help but go back to thinking about the blue eyed blonde…those whisker marks and cheesy smile. At first Sasuke hated the boy, when they had first met he hadn't wanted anything to do with the idiot. Of course, over the months of time they spent together, he became less and less aware of how annoying the boy could be, was, and still is.

It wasn't until the mission in the land of the Waves did Sasuke realize that he no longer found the idiot annoying, hell he actually enjoyed the blonde's company. After that it became less of tolerating the idiot to actually enjoying the time he spent with him. When Sasuke left, during the fight at the valley of the end, Sasuke thought he could kill Naruto and become stronger which was just one more step closer to killing his older brother.

The young Uchiha had, at the last moment decided not to kill Naruto. He couldn't find it within himself to forcibly put himself in a world that didn't have the blonde in it. So when Sasuke left Konoha…he had left the blonde alive.

Now thinking about him again, it gave Sasuke a sense of longing. If Sasuke hadn't left, if he hadn't nearly killed that stupid idiot fighting; would Sasuke have acted on his feelings and kissed Naruto? Or would have pushed them to the back of his mind and refuse to acknowledge them? Would he have tried to break Naruto of his sitophilia, assuming it was just a strange obsession?

Of course, he would never really know because he did leave, he did punch a hole through Naruto's chest and he of course never got to kiss Naruto. The kiss when they were in the academy didn't count.

All that had happened back then was there lips touched, there had been no tongue action, no fight for dominance or the sweet victory of mapping out Naruto's orifice with his tongue…

Sasuke licked his lips and became once again aware that he was getting a hard on just thinking about that blue eyed blonde. Realizing there was a choice to make, Sasuke glared at the cave ceiling.

He could either one, stay there and torture himself with thoughts about the Usuratonkachi or two, go out-risk being stalking by Karin on his way to take care of his business. Naruto's face came to mind, those bright blue eyes twinkling happily. Sasuke wanted to just reach up and cup Naruto's face in his hands, to feel those whisker marks against his palms.

Slowly, Sasuke closed his eyes and imagined himself kissing Naruto. Hands in each others hair, knee between parted legs as he rubbed up against the crotch of the blonde's pants. Opening his eyes, Sasuke could only feel himself growing harder with each passing image.

Making the decision Sasuke sat up, freeing himself from the confines of his sleeping bag. He glanced at his teammates, all of them in their respective sleeping bags and ventured into the forest to take care of his problem.

A few seconds after Sasuke had gone, Karin slithered out of her own sleeping bag, intent on following her leader to see what he was up to.

Sasuke had not gone far from the entrance of the cave, he watched as Karin carefully made her way out of the cave, mostly hidden by the shadows, and saw her search for him. She turned towards him and her face went bright red. The Uchiha said nothing as she turned and silently went back into the cave, knowing she had been caught trying to stalk him.

Definitely a voyeurist. Sasuke made sure she was going to stay in the cave before heading off to find a secluded spot where he could imagine his blonde in peace.

In the cave, Jūgo turned to look at Karin, she was crouching over the fire and messing with the ashes, pouting. Suigetsu just sat up and grinned at his miffed teammate.

"You're an idiot for thinking he wouldn't notice you, Karin. It's better to just stick with trying to seduce him when he's not thinking about the blonde." Suigetsu watched happily as Karin puffed up angrily.

"What blonde?" She hissed at the white haired ninja. Suigetsu's grin got wider.

"His old teammate, Na-ru-to," Suigetsu emphasized the name and then shook off his grin. "Sasuke has been in love with the guy for as long as I've known him." Karin gaped at him for several seconds then scowled and turned away from Suigetsu.

"Liar," Karin huffily turned her nose up at him. "You're just angry I haven't slept with you in weeks." She stood up and went back to her sleeping bag. "Sasuke isn't _gay_ and both you and I know it."

Suigetsu just laughed and turned to Jūgo who turned in his sleeping bag, ignoring the other two. "You're in denial Karin, trust me. Sasuke has a fetish for that Konoha ninja." Karin snorted her disbelief at him before completely ignoring him. This left Suigetsu the only one who seemed to be awake in the cave now, he looked at the entrance of the cave with a creepy smile on his face.

"Sasuke's fetish is one Naruto Uzumaki and it's driving him crazy." No one responded to Suigetsu's comment so he lay back down and slept.


End file.
